mcrmybrat17

i had had a feeling for a few weeks when i finally took a test that jacobs mom had bought me. it was possitive. i had no idea what to do.  my parents were gonna kill me, i didnt know how jake was gonna react, or my friends for that matter. i had to tell them though. the longer i waited the worse it would be. jake was the first to find out. i made him guess. my parents found out in a letter i left in my moms purse before i went to school one day. my friend alyssa guessed too. other than the pregnancy test i took at home, alyssa made me take two more that we bought at the dollar store (which i took in the local mc donalds bathroom) plus another at the health department (which helped me set up wic and public aid too) and another one that my parents made me take. most of my friends left me. my parents didnt talk to me for a week. when they started talking to me again it was an “intervention” with jakes dad too. i was told to abort first, which i would never do so i got defensive and started yelling. of course i wasnt ready for this but i was going to have to be. no one is ever ready for their first pregnancy no matter how ready they think they are. addoption came up too but i know a few people who have had a hard time with addoption. the only answer for me from the first day i found out was that i was keeping my child. i had got myself into this situation, i was going to take care of it. there was no other option for me.

from the beginning i knew something was wrong. my stomach literally felt like it was eating itself from the inside out. i ate anything and i got worse. i was neaseous constantly which was normal but i was never able to do anything to get rid of it. all my doctor appointments went good though so i didnt worry so much. january comes along and my parents kick me out. i go to live with my now fiancee at his mothers house. things go good at first but after a while he starts to change. for the first few weeks we walked for miles around town in sub zero temperatures searching for jobs, finally he gets a job with his mom and step-dad and im re-enroled in school as a junior. after a few more weeks he starts to ask me “hey im gonna go hang out with my friend lindsay with my sister” i’d tell him ok just because i didnt want him cooped up in the house constantly. he’d come home and i could smell something on his breath. i knew that he smoked cigarettes but this was different. it smelled like he drank skunk urine or something. he was doing drugs. i saw it in his eyes. he lied to me about it plenty of times but i knew. one night i confronted him. he finally told me he was smoking pot but trying to quit. i told him i was willing to help him and i would be there for him whatever he needed. he never quit.

eventually his visits to lindsay became daily. i’d ask to go too and he’d tell me “no, they do drugs over there and i dont want you to be around it” he didnt want me seeing him smoke, or have sex with his “sister”. he had been cheating on me since before my birthday. he would lie to me somedays and tell me he was going to his best guy friends and we’d find him at lindsays.

months go by where i dont see him until close to ten o’clock each night when he got home from work at five, then being forced to have sex with him everynight or he would threaten to leave me (though half the time he came home smelling like sweat and butt since he had already had sex with lindsay over at her house.) i still went to school and stood up for him when people would diss him because i loved him, pretty much unconditionally. one day he stayed home with me (which was good that day since i came down with bronchitis and didnt have any of my medicine anymore.) he ran to a neighbors house and called the ambulance, that day he was convincing at actually caring. after that day things started getting real bad.

durring school i would start to get contractions (i was 6 months along at this time) they werent like braxton hicks which are one here and there just getting you ready for labor. they were close together and some were strong, but they werent strong enough for my doctor to be too worried. everyday i was sent home from school because i couldnt walk by myself. i was in the nurses office everymorning after p.e. i would be trying to walk a straight line and end up walking diagonally.  May 3rd, the day after i turned 17, a girl from my school threw a baby shower for all the pregnant teens or teen moms at my school thru her church (we had a group for pregnant teens and teen mothers which ended up helping alot). they offered to get us one big thing like a crib or bassinet or car seat, something we didnt have. they got me a crib and a mattress (and not the cheap break-as-soon-as-you-lay-the-baby-down crib). we got it home and right away i turned to jacob and said “put the crib together i think the baby’s coming early” he looked at me like i was completely insane and didnt want to do it. his mom convinced him finally saying “maybe it will help make things more real for you” so he put up the crib with the help of his step-dad.

May 10th was my baby shower and also the day i got sick. after my baby shower i had to go to work. all night i felt like i could fall over but for the customers i had to smile and bring them their food as if nothing were wrong. i was still in training so they half expected me to mess up a little. my boss pulled me over later and said that “maybe right now isnt the best time to start a job for you, you can always come back after the baby’s born and we’ll give you your job back” i agreed and left. when i got home i was in excrusiating pain. i could barely move. “its just from being on my feet all day, i’ll just sleep it off” i told myself. the next morning it was worse. i tried tylenol, laying in a warm bath, sleeping some more, nothing worked. finally i called my mom and told her what was going on. she told me to do exactly what i had already done so i called the hospital. “you sound like you’re in alot of pain, why dont you just come in?” is all they told me. when we got to the emergency room i half expected them just to give me some pain meds and send me home. instead a doctor comes in. “we’re gonna have to give you a spinal tap, we think you might have menengitis.” i knew something was wrong and now i had to go through this. no one liked to believe me when i said something was wrong but now doctors are saying its something serious, but this was worse than serious. this meant if i had it they would have to track down everyone at the baby shower, and everyone i worked with plus all the customers there that night and give them a vaccine. they did the spinal tap and it came back clear. they told me they wanted to keep me over night to do some more tests because they didnt know what was wrong. all they knew was that my pottasium was low and my liver enzymes which are supposed to be around 40 were over 3,340. my liver was about to explode.

that wed. my water broke. 7 months pregnant and my baby was coming. i told my doctors but they didnt believe me. they kept taking blood tests and monitoring the baby’s heartbeat which would go up and down with my temperature which was fluctuating between 97 and 104 degrees ferenheit. the next sunday the come in and tell me that all my amniotic fluid is gone and they have to get my baby out. they attempt to induce me but it fails. i was in so much pain i wanted to die. they rush me into the operating room as fast as they can. the anesthesiologis was rushing becasue he kept missing my spine and hitting a vein when he was trying to do my spinal block. at 9:32 am on May 18th, 2008 my son was born. 4lbs. 5 1/2oz. because they didnt know what was wrong with me they wouldnt let me see him except for a few seconds before they took him into the neonatal intensive care unit or NICU. the next day they flew me in a helicopter up to a different hospital in a different state.

i wouldnt get to see my son except for in pictures until he was three weeks old

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